right to life?

somehow we've all gotta summon the chutzpah to do "what's right" rather
than giving in to our fears.... it's not as simple as any soundbite from a
pulpit or the media would lead us to believe..... somehow i can't imagine
that the right to life only applies to the unborn?

bad things really can happen to good people?

fear has been used to keep us in line forever, if we were good nothing bad would happen, that whole "ignorance is bliss" thing really serves a purpose, don't ask questions, just be good and hope you'll be rewarded.....

fear breeds hate and ignorance, no wonder so many people are crazy now, we were taught by example that if we worked hard and had good intentions, we could take care of our families, we could be different and say "there but for the grace of god go i"....

our deepest held darkest fears are happening now, our security is threatened and some powerful folk, as they have from the beginning of time, are profiting from our cowering in the shadows, where we stay until either the body or mind let's go or both....

we wonder why people do crazy things as we run around too busy to smell any flowers, much less be so lazy as to slow down long enough to plant or nurture them along the way. then we feel guilty and detach a little more, however we have to.....

until we are "bitchslapped by fate" and forced to ask ourselves, our god, and each other the hard questions.... to deal with the fact that survival is learned behavior, that there are no simple answers..... only simple questions...

people need a safe place where it's safe to be honest and share our real stories of experience, strenghs and hopes without fear of sacrificing our families privacy, in that our stories are so intertwined that it's hard to tell them separately ... most of us don't want to be the poster child of the recession

it's our instinct to take care of the people we love.... but for so many americans who have grown up with a false sense of security simply because we don't even realize much less acknowledge that we're lucky.... this kind of deep seated threat to our familys security is new territory for so many, having to think for ourselves how to stay alive but yet still not be able to talk about it....

somehow people are going to have to be able to come out the shadows and be heard and help each other, we should all be able to agree after watching katrina happen before our eyes, we can't depend on the government to save us, or wait for the second coming.... we have to save each other in order to save ourselves, let's start that here and now.... what do we really need to talk about?

as if our lives depend on it..... let's talk

ok, so i was in the optimistic phase when last blogged over a year ago, still needed certain outcome (for our business to recover and for our family to survive the crash) so couldn't talk openly about what all was happening..... now here we are, even lost my teeth and health in addition to our business and home during this recession that has changed our lives so dramatically....

with nothing left to lose (while acknowledging the need to protect my family's privacy), gonna say what i mean and mean what i say, dementia at age 47 due to medical causes and coming to terms with "getting my affairs in order" has it's benefits, in that i have become brutally honest and less concerned with what "people might think".... guess that's no surprise to those who really know me....

as a complication from a gastric bypass 5 years ago, i am unable to absorb the nutrition and minerals needed to sustain life through my digestive tract, it took almost 5 years (most of which was with $2500/month insurance) to pick up what was wrong...

as i complained about being worn out, exhausted, memory and concentration issues, we chalked it all up to the stress of running a demanding business and our big family, when in retrospect it is clear to see that i have literally been depleted of such basics as iron over an extended period of time, until my reserve tank was one point above empty aka "not compatible with life".... not having access to comprehensive health coverage, staying alive depends on continued iron infusions which depend on the continued benevolence of the drug companies without comprehensive health coverage.....

lack of oxygen has obviously caused damage in that all of my teeth died, am unable to be "up" for over 15-20 mins at a time, have chest pain most days and can't breathe if i get the least bit hot, am on a pain patch reserved normally for those in the late stages of cancer....

so if i come across as angry or frustrated on "political issues" like the right to healthcare, that's where it's coming from, the "system" in america hasn't worked, all i can do now is my part to bring about the needed changes by being brave enough to be honest and put a face, even if it's toothless, out there so people can see themselves in our shoes....

hopefully i can help give folks out there who are being manipulated by their fears a path to conscious living, of having the courage needed to live with the compassion espoused in churches every sunday to the real victims of our economic tsunami.... personally it appears too late for me, a lot of damage is already done, but it's what i've got to share out of all this mess....

i can't know for sure but i would be willing to place a bet that there are thousands and thousands of folks out there "circling the drain" without their families even knowing... for the past year, i've wished i could be the little birdie on the shoulder of anyone who would care enough to come to my funeral, to tell them to come visit now, not out of obligation to me or because i need anything from them, but truly not wanting to leave anybody behind who would have regrets or guilt, been there done that got the tshirt on that one, don't want anybody there saying "i wish i had known" or "didn't have a clue".... but how do you make that call without sounding melodramatic?

i was taught well to never openly talk about politics or religion, but now its personal.... as i try to reassure our 9 year old that everything's gonna be ok when it's obviously not, it's new territory for all of us from this point forward, whether or not we wanted to take this trip or not, it is what it is... let's get the conversations going to build momentum in the right direction, we can take this opportunity to be the peace we seek